From the outside in

I put a post on one of my forums about how happy I was with Husband’s step forward with Ken. It is not a polyamorous board, but many of the ladies (it’s a women-only board) on there know about our lifestyle choice. Many of the responses made me sad.

Do you ever worry that he will leave you and take your daughter?

Um, no. I trust Husband 100%. If I didn’t, there’s no way we could be open.

start saving 50.00 a week between now and the time [Child] is 18. She will needs lots of therapy…

*headslap*

I do wonder why you even bother with the whole married thing anyway. Is it purely financial and convenience factors? Cause I certainly see no other benefits.

That was one of many “Why are you even married?” posts. I guess if you don’t own your spouse emotionally and sexually then there’s no point in being legally committed to each other.

[Wife]—-honest question……are you ok with [Child] sleeping with whomever she wants whenever she wants? And at what age is that ok?

How will she not be percieved as a ’slut’ in high school? And how will she learn that sex is something between two people who respect each other? You have such an ‘oh whatever’ attitude about sex I can’t help but think she is going to grow up seeing it as ‘no big deal’. Or do you not plan to teach her that sex is something special to be shared between people who love and respect each other? (emphasis mine)

This is one of my favorites. I think the best way to sum it up is with the (very mature) response I gave on the thread: “Wow, what a leap in logic. We’re not monogamous so obviously our daughter will be a slut. TEH HORRURZ!!1″

From the time I was 14 to around 21, my mom’s boyfriend was in an open marriage. He and his wife have 4 kids together. Those kids are my age and they’ve been raised in an open marriage type family most of their life. They are most seriously messed up.

I know plenty of people from monogamous families who are messed up. Shall we condemn monogamy as well?

sadly to me.. i think if you feel the need to have a connection with this other man.. perhaps you haven’t found the person who truly completes you..

It seems unfair to put the job of truly completing me on just one person’s shoulders. “Be my everything!” Who wants that kind of stress?

This next one is in response to what I said we would do if there was some sort of disagreement. Basically I said we’d all sit down and talk about it.

See analytically this sounds fine and logical. It also sounds cold…something like a lesson plan. Honestly? When emotions are involved anything can happen.

My response: “Do you not approach your relationships in a logical manner?” Honestly, I don’t see any other way to go about it.

To be fair, there were other sorts of posts as well. I would say they divided by thirds into what’s seen above, “I don’t understand, please explain more,” and “I may or may not agree, but I’m happy for you.” Some people though just make me want to rip my hair out. Urg.

-Wife