Odd jealousy

Posted in Husband with tags , on July 18, 2008 by polyawesome

Wife has no problem getting to know other people.  I don’t have that ability.  I generally don’t know how to talk to girls, or to anyone for that matter.  Her abilities in this manner are a huge source of jealousy for me.  I’m not jealous of her being with other people, I am jealous of the fact that there are other people in her life that she can do things with.  I’m jealous for the reason that I don’t have what she has.  I love her very much, I know she loves me and isn’t going to stop.  I still feel jealous because there aren’t others in my life.  I don’t have any friends here, nor do I have anything more than friends.  The only other thing close to that is a couple we play with occasionally, but that’s not the same.  I know it’s completely irrational and I can’t help myself from feeling this way.  I don’t know what I can do, or if there’s anything that can be done.

What I wish HIMYM would do

Posted in Wife with tags on July 16, 2008 by polyawesome

Husband and I are huge fans of the show How I Met Your Mother. Huge fans. We watch the episodes over and over, point out mistakes in the mother-time continuum, and recite dialogue along with the actors. We think we know who the mother is.

Given this, it shouldn’t surprise you that I have been predicting a Barney/Robin hookup since season one. All the signs were there, even above and beyond what Barney pointed out in “Zip, Zip, Zip.” However, I didn’t see the little hiccup with Robin wanting to pretend it never happened. I was happy to know that Barney is in love with her at the end of the last episode, though. Well, really, I already knew that he was in love with her, but I was happy to know that he now knew. Yes.

What I don’t know and cannot predict is what will happen. Will Barney go after Robin? Will he try to pretend like it doesn’t matter that he loves her? Will she be interested in receiving his affections? Will she fight him off like she did Ted for so long?

Interesting as these questions are, I still think it’s inevitable that the two of them will get together. And when they do, oh boy does the show have a perfect opportunity to show alternative relationship styles! Barney and Robin would make a perfect open relationship couple. Neither of them seems wired well for monogamy. To me, it is only natural that these two would get together but be open. If they don’t, I see absolutely no way that Barney will not cheat on Robin. He’s not a monogamous person, plain and simple. Also, I could see it as a huge growing experience for Barney.

Of course, I’m sure the network will never take the characters in this direction. They will remain monogamous, Barney will cheat, they will break up, they will get back together after a few episodes. But, really, people are different and the relationships they have are necessarily different as well. It would be so awesome if the writers took this perfect opportunity to look at loving relationships differently than how they are normally portrayed on network TV.

Random post script: Husband and I were talking about how Barney will get Robin. He said, “I bet he knocks her up.” I replied, “No. They’d both be all for getting an abortion and you can’t show that on network TV.”

-Wife

Husband

Posted in Husband with tags on July 11, 2008 by polyawesome

So, this is the Husband of the polyamorous couple. I don’t really know what to write about. My wife and I are very open with each other and neither one of us had to convince the other to open our marriage. It just kind of came up one day and we thought we would give it a shot. Unlike the wife, I’m not actively searching for another emotional relationship. I guess I lean a little more toward the swinger side of things while she leans more toward the poly side. While I’m not necessarily searching for another emotional relationship, I’m not avoiding it either. If I happen to like another person, I will explore it. At this point though, I just want physical, fuck buddy, type relationships. But with my shyness, social ineptitude, and general dislike of people, it can be hard to find others to do anything with. The wife is really the star of this show, I’m kind of like the extra in the background.

-Husband

From the outside in

Posted in Wife with tags , on July 11, 2008 by polyawesome

I put a post on one of my forums about how happy I was with Husband’s step forward with Ken. It is not a polyamorous board, but many of the ladies (it’s a women-only board) on there know about our lifestyle choice. Many of the responses made me sad.

Do you ever worry that he will leave you and take your daughter?

Um, no. I trust Husband 100%. If I didn’t, there’s no way we could be open.

start saving 50.00 a week between now and the time [Child] is 18. She will needs lots of therapy…

*headslap*

I do wonder why you even bother with the whole married thing anyway. Is it purely financial and convenience factors? Cause I certainly see no other benefits.

That was one of many “Why are you even married?” posts. I guess if you don’t own your spouse emotionally and sexually then there’s no point in being legally committed to each other.

[Wife]—-honest question……are you ok with [Child] sleeping with whomever she wants whenever she wants? And at what age is that ok?

How will she not be percieved as a ‘slut’ in high school? And how will she learn that sex is something between two people who respect each other? You have such an ‘oh whatever’ attitude about sex I can’t help but think she is going to grow up seeing it as ‘no big deal’. Or do you not plan to teach her that sex is something special to be shared between people who love and respect each other? (emphasis mine)

This is one of my favorites. I think the best way to sum it up is with the (very mature) response I gave on the thread: “Wow, what a leap in logic. We’re not monogamous so obviously our daughter will be a slut. TEH HORRURZ!!1”

From the time I was 14 to around 21, my mom’s boyfriend was in an open marriage. He and his wife have 4 kids together. Those kids are my age and they’ve been raised in an open marriage type family most of their life. They are most seriously messed up.

I know plenty of people from monogamous families who are messed up. Shall we condemn monogamy as well?

sadly to me.. i think if you feel the need to have a connection with this other man.. perhaps you haven’t found the person who truly completes you..

It seems unfair to put the job of truly completing me on just one person’s shoulders. “Be my everything!” Who wants that kind of stress?

This next one is in response to what I said we would do if there was some sort of disagreement. Basically I said we’d all sit down and talk about it.

See analytically this sounds fine and logical. It also sounds cold…something like a lesson plan. Honestly? When emotions are involved anything can happen.

My response: “Do you not approach your relationships in a logical manner?” Honestly, I don’t see any other way to go about it.

To be fair, there were other sorts of posts as well. I would say they divided by thirds into what’s seen above, “I don’t understand, please explain more,” and “I may or may not agree, but I’m happy for you.” Some people though just make me want to rip my hair out. Urg.

-Wife

Other poly blogs

Posted in Links with tags on July 9, 2008 by polyawesome

I just joined a poly forum. There was a thread about poly blogs so I’m going to go ahead and add them to the blogroll to the right. Why not, right? Plus, I can try out the pings and trackback feature.

On Loving More…

An Existential Keekah

Polyamory from the Inside Out

Stiletto Diaries

-Wife

All about Wife or What’s going on right now

Posted in Wife with tags on July 8, 2008 by polyawesome

Hello people not reading this. I was thinking maybe a bit of background would be good. Husband figured out last night that we first opened our marriage at the end of 2005, so it’s been about 2.5 years that we’ve been open. Like I said in the opening post, we started with swinging. I had mulled the idea over for quite some time before bringing it up to Husband. What I really wanted to try was polyamory, but swinging seemed like a much less intimidating start. And it was.

However, as I said before, swinging wasn’t fulfilling to me. Ever since I was little, the idea of only loving one person just seemed strange to me. Cinderella being carried away by Prince Charming never to want another man again? Ridiculous. I’ll be the first to say that I’m a cynic where love is concerned. Part of this comes from the very practical view of love that I was raised with, and part comes from the experience of being married at a young age. However, cynic or not, I do believe that love is a real thing and I want to exchange it with more than one person. I don’t understand why I wouldn’t do this. I don’t know why society thinks it’s such a bad thing to love multiple partners.

The emotional connection that I want to have with other partners has always been the most difficult thing for Husband to come to terms with. He has a very real fear of losing me to someone else, so we have been at a stand-still as we inch our way along in our open marriage. That is, until this last weekend. On Friday, for the first time ever, Husband told me and (let’s call him) Ken that he is all right with us having an emotional relationiship. I don’t know yet if Ken and I will go that route, but it’s nice to have the opportunity. Hopefully our test run goes well, if it goes at all.

-Wife

So, this is Polyawesome

Posted in Wife with tags , on July 7, 2008 by polyawesome

Hi. I’m Wife. My husband, Husband, will also be posting on this blog. We have a five-year-old child, Child, who is currently spending the summer with her grandparents. Husband is in the military, hence the anonymity. We decided to start this blog after reading an interview with Jenny Block, author of the amazing book Open. She mentioned that there is a lot of interest in alternative lifestyles, but not a lot of information. We figured since we’re open, why not blog about it? Lame, huh?

So, a bit of background. We first opened our marriage two or three years ago. I just asked Husband and apparently neither of us can remember exactly. Anyway, we started with swinging but that just didn’t work so well for us (me). “Let’s fuck all night long!” doesn’t mix so well with a small child who wakes up at six in the morning. Plus, it wasn’t very fulfilling for me. I need more of a personal connection with the people I get involved with. Most of the time. 😉

So, welcome to Polyawesome. I hope people actually read this blog and maybe find a little help and community with it.

-Wife